A lot of my stories over the past year have been short updates on Facebook and Twitter. Most of them have been too small for an entire blog-entry and so here they are, collected for your amusement. Enjoy.
A man just cracked the shits at me because, despite our new release section being 95% BLU-RAY, our catalogue of 12,000+ weekly titles was predominantly DVD. Not good enough for this film connoisseur.
It amuses me when an average Joe with limited knowledge of cinema comes in and attempts to talk with authority. For example (just now). Man returns TRANSFORMERS 4 and says "you know, I actually think that they're going to make another instalment. It was just left too wide open and I reckon I smell sequel"...... ROFL.... well duh!
Note to people. Do not come in during busy school holiday trade (when I'm clearly under the pump) and ask "what's good?". Thanks.
One of the hardest things I've ever had to do is put up posters for MRS BROWNS BOYS D'MOVIE! ... it breaks my heart.
How to guarantee busy trade. Have a technical issue that demands immediate attention... and then have a customer who thinks they can solve it (but they have no fucking clue what the problem even is) and then have a woman (who is well aware of the chaos that is unfolding) ask "What's good? Can you come and help us?" --- FUCK OFF Y'ALL!! Oh and I forgot... an hour ago I purchased a $15 scent diffuser... and amongst the shit that's happening a woman asks me to turn around and grab something... and the whole fucking bottle spills. Zilch left... but the shop smells nice!
Some douche just gave me a mouthful of attitude because DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES wasn't released until November. With a smartarse tongue he says "I thought it was finished at the cinemas".... um... yes it has. And it hits dvd and blu-ray in November! And then like a spoiled child he says "Fine. I'm leaving!" and stormed out. LOL
I just received a complaint that I have too many films in my store, which makes it difficult to choose quickly. I apologised!
All day long I've been dealing with people wanting to discuss Robin Williams' death. Far too many of them are flippant and say shit to the effect of "stupid celebrities are too rich for their own good. why would anyone kill themselves when they're so famous and talented?". -- Today I am far too ill to be giving them a crash course in humanity and respect
An unfortunate fact... please excuse this rant. I'm just releasing some frustration and having a good vent.
A mother and her little kid just came into the shop. She wanted to sign up with a new membership but didn't have any identification on her. When I politely asked her to return with some ID she turned to her kid and said "The horrible, mean man won't let us have any movies today. Lets go". ROFL!
A customer had flippantly hired CHILD OF GOD based solely on the "James Franco Factor". They appeared traumatised upon return... their hands were even trembling. They left and I giggled.
Some guy just cracked the shits with me because Jamie Foxx wasn't in SUKIYAKI WESTERN DJANGO.... I tried to explain that he wasn't in the other 30 Django films either.
I think the heat might be getting to some people. I just had a grouch of a woman ask me "So are all of your new releases now blu-ray?" to which I replied "yes most of them" ... her response was an angry "well I guess we'll be looking for a new video store then"... it was at this point that her husband interrupted and said "hun, we have a blu-ray player!". LOL
Just had a teenage girl come in asking about a job. When I told her that we are not hiring at the moment and that she was welcome to fill out an application form (because positions open up at the most random of times) she got argumentative with me. She questioned whether I knew what I was doing and asked if there was anyone aside myself she could "deal with". Um, no sorry kid. My shop. Bad luck. You fail! LOL
A father came in with this tail between his legs. His missus had ripped him a new one because he promised the kids they could watch RAMBO.... the problem was they he took home RAMBO instead of FIRST BLOOD!! Whoops!! Big mistake!! LOL
I honestly don't make this shit up... no sooner had I dealt with the customer from the last TALE the next one popped up. She brings the display case for STEP UP 5 to me and says "Um, I think you should know that they've photoshopped the characters on this cover". I looked her in the eye, uncertain whether or not she was serious. I replied "Yes they have. In fact they've photoshopped every single cover in this store". She looked around with her stupid little teenage eyebrow raised and said "REALLY?". Dear God!! She then picked up a packet of triple-butter microwave popcorn to buy and said to me "Yuck. Why is this packet all squishy?". She picked up another and said "Gross. This one is too. They all are". I replied "Yes. That would be the butter.". She raised her dumb eyebrow again and asked "Butter expires. How is that possible?". I took a sigh and responded with "Oh I dunno. Chemicals. Preservatives. You know... like most pre-packaged foods". FACEPALM!!!!
Apparently I am the bad guy because my store doesn't stock the LOST 1923 silent film STEPHEN STEPS OUT. The gentleman I just dealt with has been looking for it for many years. After looking it up I explained to him that it is actually a lost film and that he's never be able to see it so long as it remains LOST!! Well he wasn't going to have that. "What would you know? You're too young to even remember it". ROFL... As he looked to be in his mid-40s I replied "With all due respect, sir. So do you!".
Just had a smartarse 10 year old back-chat me in front of his mother. He was taking coins out of the donation tin and I asked him to stop. He replied "make me" to which his mother laughed at him. She smiled at me and giggled "ah kids". I looked the kid square in the eye (I can be an evil fucklord when I need to be) and said "If my son mouthed off to an adult like that he'd be lucky to see tomorrow. If you don't take your grotty fingers out of that money tin then I'll rip 'em off"..... fucking hell parents... BE PARENTS!
A woman just walked in and I said "Hi. How you going today?" and she replied "Jesus! I'm just looking. Far out!" before she stormed out the door. What I should have said is "Hi bitch. You're a fugly one. Now piss off!"