CLERK FLASHBACKS - PART 1

Every time I add a new entry to this blog I wonder what people think? These stories are so unbelievable that surely no one buys into them. The fact of the matter is that I am not making any of it up. These things DO happen and I must be a magnet for absurd and illogical behavior. These stories seem to come in pulses too because I can go for months without having an amusing story to share and then all of a sudden, BAM, a bus full of nit-wits rolls in and the tales start flowing. 

While I was writing my previous entry I got to thinking back over all of the stories I haven't told. I cast my mind back to my early days in the business when the industry was enjoying it's boom years. Video stores were busy places back then and I can recall working shifts with 10+ staff on hand and anywhere up to 100 customers in the store at once on a Saturday night (that was a huge warehouse-like store). Our business brought in all types... from families to elderly... to horror fiends and connoisseurs of porn. They were great times and the stories I could tell are numerous and hilarious. With the passage of time I wouldn't be able to recount these episodes with much clarity but I can offer you some abridged recollections. Keep in mind that back in these days I was just a regular team-member and the owner had many stores with all of us staff pin-balling between them. One shift at this store, another at that store... and so the stories come from various places. 

What you are about to read is all true.

A few days had passed and one guy's name kept appearing on our overdue list. He wasn't answering our calls and 2 letters were eventually sent. The videos he had rented were deemed as stolen and his information was handed over to a debt-collector. Having received notice of legal action guy finally came into the store, furious as hell. He ranted and raved insisting that he had returned the movies. It turns out he was telling the truth because he had thrown them onto our roof. Video surveillance shows that when he arrived out of trading hours he became agitated that the door was locked. Rather than look for the after-hours chute he chucked the damn things onto the roof - and expected us to know.

The female manager was working at the counter when a man stood in front of her, smiled and said that his videos were stuck in the chute. The manager bent down and reached under the counter into the drop box. Instead of grasping video cassettes she found herself clutching this guy's junk. With his dick in her hand there was only one thing she could do.... she yanked it through the slot so hard that the man ran from the store clutching his nuts in agony.

At one particular store we encountered a stealthy serial pest. For several weeks we would find random polaroid photos of dicks, inside video covers. We would be hiring out titles to a member, open a cover and be confronted with a cock. The mystery deepened when we realised that the photos had been taken inside the store. The staff went through the entire catalogue and checked every single cover but only ever found one photo at a time. This guy had not simply come into the store once and hidden a heap of pictures... but rather, he was coming in weekly and taking on-the-spot photos. His identity remains a mystery. Was it a random person? Was it a staff member? To this day the case remains unsolved. 

At the same store I was working a late shift with another staff member. It was 11PM and a tall man with long black hair walked in, wearing a trench coat. Obviously at such a late hour it's important to be alert and as we'd never seen him before, we kept a close eye on him. He stood facing the new release wall and appeared to be doing something. We suspected he was putting video covers into his coat but didn't approach him. We figured that the cameras would catch him, besides which, the covers were empty (we kept the tapes at the counter). After a few minutes the man walked out. As he passed by us he smiled and said "I'll come back". Myself and the other staff member looked at each other with raised eyebrows and WTF expressions. When we were tidying up the store and preparing to lock up at midnight we noticed that the covers displayed, near to where the man had been lingering, were sitting awkwardly on the shelf. Behind them was a huge hunting knife. We called the cops, sent the security footage to them and preyed this guy never returned. He didn't. 

Vomit was a common occurrence, especially during school holidays. Sometimes it hit the vinyl but other times it spewed all over the carpet. Most mothers would grab their kids and leave. Very rarely would they apologise and offer to clean it up.

The very first video store I worked in belonged to a different chain to the one I ended up with. One afternoon I walked into the back room to find the owner rummaging through my back-pack. As I caught him, he looked up at me like a deer in headlights. He had found a handful of videos in my bag and accused me of stealing from him. The guy was an absolute fuckwit. These were movies I had purchased earlier in the day while in the city. The receipt was still inside one of the covers. Later that evening I never finished my shift. I grabbed my things, locked the door and left forever... taking the rest of the staff with me. None of us returned. 


To be continued...