 Husk is another film from the After Dark Originals collection. It's a simple movie about a group of friends who find themselves trapped in a corn field, being hunted by scarecrows. It's a formula film with most of the usual cliches but it is well made for a low budget flick. It is visually engaging and the scarecrow creations are genuinely creepy... the gore is also cool. Husk is a fun little movie that makes for grouse Halloween viewing.
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 I love Led Zeppelin, however, I really dislike this film. I saw it years ago and apparently it was long ago enough for me to have forgotten how I felt about it. I watched it today and forced my way though it. It's basically a concert movie but the live performance is broken up by stupid fucking fragmented segments which are supposed to represent each band member. To give you an idea, the first segment is an old gangster story with tommy guns and molls. WTF? And then when the film returns to the live stuff, it's pretty average. Musically the band are tight and Jimmy Page tears it up but Robert Plant is almost unbearable for my precious ears. On albums he's a God but on stage (at least for this film) he's a whiney, screechy little bitch. His voice is like nails to a chalkboard and I'm sure the cats in my neighbourhood agree. I know that many of you are musos and music lovers of the rock variety and so I'm keen to hear your thoughts about the film. Sadly it does not rock my world!
 If you're a Gen-X'er then you will probably know who Elvira is. She was a cult figure of the 80s who hosted horror movies on late night tv... she was a modern Vampira. At the hight of her success she co-wrote and starred in her own movie, Mistress of the Dark. Its a terrible movie.... just terrible... and not surprisingly it became something of a cult classic. Elvira is currently in Melbourne for Monsterfest and the movie has recently been re-released to dvd. It gets filed in the "so bad its good" annals and believe it or not, it actually is a fun and schlocky sexed up comedy. The character of Elvira is supposed to be a strong female figure with a women's lib message... but the hilarious thing is that she spends the entire movie flashing her tits and using her sex appeal to get what she wants. Men's eyes pop out wherever she goes and teenage boys want to hump her. She rolls into a small conservative and religious town to claim an inheritance... at first she is seen to corrupt the youth but she eventually infects the minds of all the townsfolk and hey all turn into wild liberated sex maniacs. If anything, it's worth it alone to see Edie McClurg lift her dress and sit on a preacher's face. ROFL! Good Halloween fun!
 Piranha 3D was one of my favourite movies of 2010. It was not a remake of Joe Dante's classic 1978 but rather a reboot and second sequel. And now there's the next instalment, Piranha 3DD. Christopher Lloyd and Ving Rhames return for a another blood soaked, tittiefest. Using their network of underwater caves and rivers the piranha have migrated to another town where they find their way into a heavily populated waterpark... a SEXY waterpark. This might not have the same impact of the previous movie but its a very worthy sequel. It's got every cliche in the book, loads of big bouncing boobs, flesh chomping fishies and yes, another dick gag! Its super fun and exactly what you would hope to see, well me anyway. Add to the cast a cameo by Gary Busy, a self referential David HasselHoff (who has a great Baywatch moment) and David Koechner as the dickhead park owner. I was half expecting Piranha 3DD to be a cheap direct-to-dvd stinker but it maintains most of the quality of the last one... it was directed by the guy who made the 'Feast' trilogy, which was cool... oh and it has a wicked final frame, CHOMP!
Cabin in the Woods has been praised by critics and fans alike. I was initially excited about it but then heard Joss Whedon big-noting himself, as though he was a saviour reclaiming horror from the grips of torture porn and hardcore terror. I wasn't aware that horror needed saving and so I did my best to avoid this movie at the cinemas and I steered clear of the fan banter... So finally I have just watched it and I think it sucked. It's not smart at all and it takes a steaming piss on the genre as far as I'm concerned. It's obvious that Whedon wrote it because it felt like watching a double episode of Buffy or Angel with cheesy dialogue and the typical satirical Joss lines... Needless to say that Cabin in the Woods was a huge disappointment to me. Who knows, maybe some time (a long time) down the road I'll revisit it, hoping for a newfound appreciation. I won't be in a hurry though. 
 The Astronaut Farmer feels like it's telling a true story. Its structure has that heightened sense of reality that so many Hollywood "true stories" tend to have... and yet the concept and notion of a regular farmer mastering rocket science and launching himself into orbit is blisteringly absurd. But to the film's credit, along with a suspension of disbelief, you want it to be true. Billy Bob Thornton stars as the man with a dream and the steely determination to achieve the impossible and his performance is convincing. *** spoiler alert *** Adding some credibility is Bruce Willis. He appears unexpectedly without any forward credits and lends the impression that his character is factual. It's a cheeky movie that will absolutely rope a heap of suckers right in who will go to work the next day telling colleagues about this incredibly true achievement of willpower... but to those a little more switched on, its closer to an astronomical 'Field Of Dreams'. Its nice escapism.
 I don't think I am happier than when I'm watching Aussie movies from the 70s and 80s. 'The Cars That Ate Paris' is a misleading title for a number of reasons and yet it suits the film perfectly. Just a few years after 'Wake In Fright' presented a nightmare story of an out-of-towner trapped in a small community unable to escape, Peter Weir elaborated on that concept to create a creepy horror film about a small country town which orchestrates car accidents to fuel it's local economy. The only way into town is a small and treacherous road and anyone travelling in their direction is forced off into a steep ravine. If the travellers survive they are either lobotomised and locked up in a sanatorium for the local doctor to experiment on or they are selected to become new residents, at which point they are brainwashed. I love the movie. The stunt work is great, the performances are effective and the concept is totally surreal. We stopped making these types of movies midway through the 90s and it's really sad. We had such a distinctive approach to genre filmmaking and it's something we should celebrate and reclaim. Something that occurred to me when watching the movie was how often I drive through small country towns and see entire paddocks full of old wrecked and abandoned cars... it makes you wonder!! LOL
 Rock Of Ages might work on stage but it fails on screen. I feel like i've just watched a double episode of Glee and I need to sink a pot of filth as quick as I can. Has anyone got a pot of filth? Right throughout the movie I kept thinking to myself that this was a musical written by people who enjoy rock music but don't 'get it'. What are some great songs (and some not so great) are turned into bastardised sparkle tunes that fizzle rather than explode. It's a shame too because given an actual ROCK approach, the film could have lifted. I would have loved to see it delivered in a dirty 'Hedwig & The Angry Inch' way with heaps of sex, drugs and an actual rock n roll attitude. On the plus side, Tom Cruise is dynamite. He gets sledged A LOT but I like him on screen and this is most definitely a great performance. I think even most dedicated rock fans will concede that. Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand ham it up and offer some cheap laughs but there's no more favourable things I can say about Rock Of Ages. Shit.
 "After Dark" is an American horror distributor who run the annual After Dark Horrorfest, one of the worlds biggest horror film festivals. As well as their distribution department they also team up with Lionsgate & SyFy to release 'After Dark Originals'. These are modest films with an average budget of $1M and they're comparable to the Masters Of Horror series, only feature length. I've been working my way through them recently and will gradually post reviews. 'Seconds Apart' is an impressive supernatural chiller about twin brothers who possess a strong telepathic connection. Every aspect of their lives is in sync, from hairstyle to their school bags... they even sleep in the same bed. With their power they embark on a grisly murder spree as an experiment to push their power to its limit. Orlando Jones stars as a homicide detective on the case who suspects the twins but becomes a pawn in their macabre game. This is a great looking and stylised film that is genuinely creepy and the screen presence of these brothers is actually unnerving. They remind me of Damien from The Omen (x2) and even bare a resemblance. If you haven't watched any of the After Dark Originals, this is a reasonable place to start. The opening sequence is pretty cool too.
 This film landed on my desk today and after skimming over the synopsis I was sold. I'm drawn to films that deal with children being kidnapped and/or murdered (Mystic River, Lovely Bones etc). It's a highly emotive subject and when done well, they pack a real punch (The Changeling). And so when I read that a detective goes to unusual methods to find a missing girl I immediately thought of The Pledge starring Jack Nicholson. 'Beyond' stars Jon Voight who hasn't delivered a solid performance since Varsity Blues and he's supported by Dermott Mulroney... this was a chance for Voight to redeem himself and Mulroney is usually good. An added bonus, it takes place in a cold wintery setting (adds to the atmos) ... So I put the dvd in my player and I realised that I neglected to read further into the synopsis. The unusual measures this detective takes is to team up with a psychic. There's ouija boards, premonitions and apparitions.... stupid shit! The movie tries to be serious but it's a dumb concept. I know that police involve psychics occasionally when all leads run cold, but this guy hooks up with his mystic partner from the get go. It's filmed well enough and the locations are good but Beyond (I should 'av paid attention to the title) offers up a cold plate of offal when I was looking forward to a roast.
 This film landed on my desk today and after skimming over the synopsis I was sold. I'm drawn to films that deal with children being kidnapped and/or murdered (Mystic River, Lovely Bones etc). It's a highly emotive subject and when done well, they pack a real punch (The Changeling). And so when I read that a detective goes to unusual methods to find a missing girl I immediately thought of The Pledge starring Jack Nicholson. 'Beyond' stars Jon Voight who hasn't delivered a solid performance since Varsity Blues and he's supported by Dermott Mulroney... this was a chance for Voight to redeem himself and Mulroney is usually good. An added bonus, it takes place in a cold wintery setting (adds to the atmos) ... So I put the dvd in my player and I realised that I neglected to read further into the synopsis. The unusual measures this detective takes is to team up with a psychic. There's ouija boards, premonitions and apparitions.... stupid shit! The movie tries to be serious but it's a dumb concept. I know that police involve psychics occasionally when all leads run cold, but this guy hooks up with his mystic partner from the get go. It's filmed well enough and the locations are good but Beyond (I should 'av paid attention to the title) offers up a cold plate of offal when I was looking forward to a roast.
 Communion isn't the best film about alien abduction but it was one of the first to deal with the subject seriously. Under the pre tense of a true story Christopher Walken stars as a New York writer who retreats to his weekend cabin with family and has an alien encounter. Upon returning to the city he is at first seemingly normal but as the weeks progress he slips in to a crazed state and begins to recount what was done to him. Unable to distinguish reality from psychosis and putting his family in danger, he agrees to see a psychiatrist. Under hypnosis he reveals an invasive and traumatising abduction... Communion is a film that demands your attention and it's strength lies in its ambiguity, i.e. Alien abduction or psychotic episode? Walken is was an ideal choice of casting with is unhinged and manic style of acting giving the character believability. Directed by Aussie Ozploitation maestro, Phillipe Mora, Communion is the film that removed the fantasy from Alien films and paved the way for future titles like Fire In The Sky, The X Files and Taken. It's creepy too!
Big Miracle is the true story of 3 whales trapped beneath ice in the far north of Alaska and the rescue efforts to free them. With the temperature dropping dramatically by the day, the window of opportunity for them to reach open water closes. Movies like this are a dime a dozen but very few of them are genuinely good. Big Miracle, in my opinion, belongs with Free Willy, Eight Below and Dolphin Tale as one of the better true story wildlife family-friendly rescue films. I already knew that it starred Drew Barrymore but watching it I was surprised at how many other credible players were in the movie including; Ted Danson, Stephen Root, Dermot Mulroney, Tim Blake Nelson and Kristen Bell (tho she's not too credible). The film avoids a lot of "awww" moments and does play out as a straight drama with only a few stodgy Hollywood cliches. Having read about the true story I am satisfied that Big Miracle offers an accurate enough account of events and this is solidified by actual footage during the closing credits. The only thing that REALLY pissed me off was Drew Barrymore's bleeding-heart Greenpeace character... you want to thump her but in reality, this is how her real life counterpart was and so the film can't be faulted for that. This is a great movie for the family and a definite recommendation. 
 This movie disturbs me. Its a claustrophobic movie about cabin fever and the tricks a person's mind plays on them in situations of absolute isolation. The movie is set on a yacht at sea at the home stretch of an around-the-world sail. Radha Mitchell plays the main character who finds her self stuck in the Indian Ocean, without wind and in dense fog. The calm and lack of stimulation slowly send her stir crazy and as the title would suggest, she is visited by an assortment of people (and spiders). This was directed by Richard Franklin who was considered a master of suspense in Australian cinema and who in fact was mentored by Hitchcock himself. It was his final film before he passed away and while the film could be picked apart upon closer examination, i still think its a beautiful one to end with. The film also features possibly the cutest cat Ive ever seen and proves that Dominic Purcell looks much better with hair. A freaky, creepy, brainfuck of a movie. Very cool.
 You can't judge a book by it's cover (or a movie by its poster) and Beneath the Darkness is one example. I kind of like the poster art and it was enough to suck me in... but the movie stinks. A group of teens start spying on a local mortician and discover that he keeps company with a corpse which he dresses and parades around his home. The guy catches them and from there the movie is formula. It's the kids word against the respected mortician and he starts playing threatening games with them. The movie has a made-for-tv feel about it and the only redeeming quality is Dennis Quaid's performance as the Norman Bates inspired killer. He has a lot of fun with the role but definitely overdoes it. His character becomes cliched and hokey and what starts as a redeeming quality soon becomes annoying and tiresome. The movie also has a shit title and it's not one I'd recommend anyone bother with.
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OUR WRITERS GLENN COCHRANE JARRET GAHAN SHAUN CRAWFORD ALEX MAYNARD CHRIS THOMPSON NADINE WHITNEY SAMANTHA HOWSON 
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